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  • Writer's pictureJaime Pollard-Smith

Love the Liver

You can’t tell from here, but it’s broken.

He was turning a handmade, glazed tea cup in his hand. The backside was scarred with a clean cut where the handle used to attach. He removed the delicate lid to reveal an assortment of colored packets.

It can’t hold tea, so now it holds the sweetener. You just have to love it differently.

Love. it. differently.

One hundred times yes.

So many things have changed since I decided to take ownership and responsibility of my life. There are obvious differences such as my home or marital status, but there are deeper shifts in my perspective and priorities. I live differently.

I have grown and evolved in relationships with others, my surroundings and myself. By learning to prioritize my own wellbeing, I can better show up for my loved ones. This change manifests itself in a million different ways, but I am not sure the way I think about my new self has matched the growth curve. There is a definite lag.

Do I love differently?

Wayne Dyer writes, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” To me, this is the path to learning to love myself differently. I can no longer evaluate my life based on outdated criteria. I am not the same person I was five years ago, so why am I still using the same checklist to determine my success? That version of me ran like an efficient machine. I got things done and rated myself with the highest marks of productivity. I balanced a full-time career, ran a business, raised two children, maintained extreme levels of fitness and helped care for my dying mother. Look at me! I can do all the things!

But guess what? I was EXHAUSTED. Soul tired. My life was not my own. I loved everyone else in the way I most needed to love myself.

Fast forward to the present where I still have a full-time career, two kids and a balanced approach to health and wellness, but I also have my peace. I have rest. I have blank space. I have my soul. I have myself.

This all sounds like sweet freedom until I start to measure my current lifestyle based on the old criteria. If I fail to see things differently, it is easy to feel like a failure even though I am living the life I fought hard to build.

It is evident I need to change the criteria, but furthermore, I would like to completely drop the concept of rating my daily success. Life is for the living, not the grading. On a core level, I have to prioritize living over producing. The voice in my head is desperate for me to produce evidence of a successful day. There should be workout scores logged, meals cooked, tasks completed, hours spent working, etc. As I identify and try to change that pattern of thinking, I need to draft a new script.

How did I love my people today?

Did I listen to myself?

Did I direct my energy in ways that align with how I want to live?

Have I made sure I am not trying to pour from an empty cup?

How am I showing up for myself?

As Angelou states, “Life loves the liver of it.” I want to love the liver, not the doer. Enough already with the praise of busyness and efficiency. Present me should not be compared to past me. We are not the same woman. She just needs to love herself differently.

**When I go back to reread my past entries, it is extremely evident that I was writing my way into this new life. I was unbecoming everyday, little by little, all the things that were not the real me. As the saying goes, if you don’t see the book you need on the shelf, write it yourself. It appears I did just that. I have and always will write what I most need to hear. If that message resonates with you in some way, I am truly grateful and would love to hear from you about it. We are all just walking each other home. Thanks for reading.

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